Unipolar depression
Stressful life, mixed up feelings, confused, complicated, neglected, not important, sad, happy, angry, disappointed, pessimistic, being paranoid. I don't know how to put these feelings into words. I'm starting to lack of interest in almost everything, insomnia, feeling helpless and hopeless at times, not having proper meals (1 meal a day), having difficulty in concentrating and thoughts of deaths and suicide. Many problems comes rushing to me, attacking me. I don't know how to solve these problems, it has been weeks since I've been through these. I'm running away from the reality, but still it comes back looking for me.. Feeling stuck, struggling through it, so much burden for me to handle.. Feeling so emotional recently, hopefully things can get better.. I wish, I hope, I pray, I believe. It hurts, really pain, feeling rather terrible now.. Unexplainable feelings. If only you put yourself in my shoes, you'll know how I feel, you will understand. Sometimes I tend to get paranoid easily, just because I care and I'm worried.. Sometimes I wanna burst out crying, but I can't.. Something's just holding it back.. Sometimes I wanna speak up, but words just stuck at my throat. The feeling when something is stuck at your throat, yes, that sucky feeling.. I know I may be too sticky at times, just because I wanna feel closer to you. I'm sorry.. I just wanna feel the love, care and concern, I just wanna feel safe and secure in your arms. Is it difficult? :( Sigh, I can no longer control my emotions and feelings. I just can't.. I totally hate the feeling of being neglected.. Who likes? No one, no one.. Words are just words, actions speaks louder than words. If you can't do what you've said, might as well, keep those words to yourself, don't say it. I really hope things would get better in time. We can't just hope for it, but we gotta put some effort in it. We gotta sacrifice, we gotta find time for it, we gotta sort things out.. Really, I don't wanna continue like this.. I don't wanna lose you either. :( Sigh.. I can't take so much burden at one time, I can't, it's hard.. So many things pile up together. Why must all these problems come at the wrong time? :( I know all these things is unpredictable, but still, spare a thought for me. I don't wanna continue being so emotional every night. I don't wanna think so much, I need time to clear my mind. How long will all these problems end? Every morning when I wake up, all these problems come back again... How I wish I can sleep and won't wake up anymore..
As you guys know, I've been skipping school for about 2 weeks. And I just went back to school on wednesday.. I've been busy with school, trying to catch up with everything that I've missed out, coping with exams and revision. I'm tired, dead beat. Still... I'm trying my best, giving my best. I have the urge to quit school, but still... I can't. So... I'll still be continuing my studies.. Hopefully, I can pull through another week or so, and I'll be having my holidays after 8th June. Alandrea, you gotta start to buck up and study hard..
Usually, people think that I’m a strong, happy person, but behind my smiles, they just don’t know how much I’m in pain and almost broken.. Doesn't mean I come off strong, means everything is alright/fine.. Life isn't fair. It’s just fairer than death, that's all..
Well, It's about time now, I've got to tuck in to bed. Exams tomorrow, wish me good luck. Goodnight.
WELCOME
AUTOBIOGRAPHY
you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you.
It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or
colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion.
Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who
they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been
achieved otherwise. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder
what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever. Life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating
the memories and learning from the past. Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness.
Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.
So, cherish your yesterdays and dream your tomorrows, but most importantly, don't forget to live your today's. I'm selfish, impatient
and a little insecure. I make mistakes, and when I am out of control at times, it's hard to handle. I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no less,
dont second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I cry. I've wished sometimes that I could die. Some days I'm funny, others I'm not, sometimes I'm in overdrive and I can't stop.
You may not like me, but that's okay because this is me and how I'll stay. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as well
don't deserve me at my best. I turn a year older on every 11th of June. Don't try to judge me if you don't know me well.
"Pamper me like a princess and I'll promise to be your good girl."
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