I'm a dumb girl afterall

Love was consuming me with an intensity that was an agony. Love was a bitter pain, a torment that was almost unendurable, a happiness that mocked me with its hollowness, a misery that tortured me with visions of what might have been.

You're the dream that hasn't ended, and I'm still anxious for the rest. Your words they seem to hang above my head. You're the bud before the flower, unfurls into full bloom. You're the song that writes a story, but leaves a lot to read. The closest thing to perfect, but the farthest thing from me. All it takes is one song to make me think of you, and I can't hear anything except the music and my heart beating. All of a sudden, I find it hard to breathe, butterflies in my stomach, and tears are running down my cheeks. And I don't know why.. My chest just feel so tight. I guess the weirdest part is when you hear a song on the radio or something and it reminds you of him. And then the next song after that. And no one else understands what I mean to you, except yourself. And you want to tell him but you can't cause you've already said your goodbyes..

The feeling totally suck, unexplainable.. Have you ever fallen in love, but knew they did not care? Have you ever felt like crying, but knew you'd get nowhere? Have you ever watched them walk away, not wanting them to go? And whispered 'I love you' softly, not wanting them to know? You cried all night in misery and almost went insane. I did stupid and silly things, just to numb myself and to refrain myself for thinking so much. And wonder if you would even care. I knew you hate it, but that's the only way for me now.. There's no other choice left.. Sigh..There's nothing in this world that causes so much pain.

They say sometimes I need some time apart, but I've got a bad case of broken heart, suffering from major heartbreak. And you're the only one that's got the cure. And I can't live another day without seeing your smile.. And my worst pains are words I cannot say, still I will always fight on for you.

I forgot what it was like to cry. I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy. I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future. I forgot that you can't control falling in love and that you can't make yourself fall in love. I learned that I can love. I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have...

Well, It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you and longer since we’ve talked. And the last thing that I said was I had nothing to say. Now I’m choking on my words. All the things I didn’t say that could have made it all okay.. You'll never know how much I miss you. You won’t see it in my face. You'll never know that I'll never find another guy that could take your place.. Cause I'll be smiling when I see you. No, my tears won't ever show. I might always love you, but you're never going to know. It has to be hard to watch someone you love change before your very eyes and know you can't do anything about it, but it must be heartbreaking to remember the way they once were.

And everynight I seemed to have late night questions to ask myself..
When will I find my place to be? When will I find the people I'm suppose to be with? When will my life get better? When will this pain go away? When will I be happy again? If Love comes back around, will I be ready for it? Will I just push it away? Why do I still feel like this? Why am I so emotional? Why can’t anyone care about me? What did I do to deserve this much pain? Will there ever be a white light at the end of this dark tunnel? Why am I scared? Why don’t I know what I want out of life? Why is it so cold? Why do I still care? Why can’t I just end it all? What do I have to do to get you back? Why aren't you in my life anymore? Why is it so dark? Why am I so fucked up in the head? Why can’t this pain just go away? Am I important?

When I was with you everything was perfect, I would forget every trouble and problem... I'd even forget to breathe. Now you're gone and every trouble and problem seems bigger than the world. I hate it without you... I hate remembering how to breathe.

I think the only reason I'm trying to hold onto the "us" that there once was is because everything else is falling apart. Nothing else is right. You were the last piece of happiness I got to have, the last fairytale I lived in. When the "us" ended... So did the good in my life. Everything’s different now.. Nothing’s happy.. I just couldn't handle the heartache anymore. It's not that I don't love you, it's that I can't.

Sometimes I think life would be easier without all these feelings that make living so complicated. There would be no hate, no anger, no jealousy, no fear. But there would also be no love, no joy, no hope, and let me repeat, no love. That's the kicker you see. A life without love is an endless monotony.

One day I just decided it would be better to bleed from cuts of love than to live without any scars. I just hate remembering what we once were... I bet you won't even bother anymore..

Well, enough of ranting what I really felt, it's all the heartbreaks afterall... Just gotta tolerate it. Gonna turn in soon as I've work tomorrow.. And try to clear my mind up..
Goodnight.

I've a sweet babygirl/bloodbond sister named Nicolina. Thanks baby, for all that you've gone through with me. Although we just knew each other but I believe things would turn out better for both of us. You never leave me hanging here and surviving on my own, yet we share the burden together. Thank god bringing you to me, letting us meet, know each other and cherish/treasure each other. No more being upset, and we'll continue to pull through all these obstacles together. I love you, nothing can replace you. <3

Our story : "The sweetest Bloodbond"

Here it goes,
Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Alandrea. And she was kinda sad that she doesn't have somebody to share her burden with. As days passes by, she knew this girl named Nicolina. And Alandrea began talking to her, and thus as days pass, they became closer. Treat each other like bloodbond, the sweetest bloodbond ever. They pulled through every obstacles together, through the happy, sad and crazy times. They both believed that god brought them together, to get to know each other, to love each other, to help each other, and tresure/cherish each other. From then, nothing can separate them apart, they lived happily ever after.


By: Alandrea D'Airelle